Bard of Bravo-shift

Thucydides over a fry-up?

These days there are a great deal of graduates in the Force. It wasn’t always that way. Many older cops were wary, even hostile to the ‘bookworms’ joining up. I wrote a few things about this and had some fun with the old sweats. A mate of mine would set out to wind up the old guys. He’d leave books out on the table during the briefings and wait for someone to start having a go……He once flicked through Thucydides’ History of the Peloponnesian War in the canteen. He’d never read it himself; just wanted a bite and got it……

Here is the intro to one such story….

‘Clever little shit, aren’t you? You’ve got all the fucking answers. Your lot always has.’

‘My lot is who exactly?’

‘Students. You study stuff in books and think you know everything. Life’s about experience. When you were smoking spliffs under your Hendrix poster I was nicking robbers.’

Green rubbed his temples. It was three in the morning and he’d been manoeuvred into Leach’s favourite ‘University of Life’ speech once more. It was bitterly cold, but he opened the window a half inch, gasping at the chill air. Even frostbite, was an improvement on the rancid stench of spilt diesel, unwashed shoplifters and fried food that had seeped into the upholstery of the squad car. Leach shifted in his seat. The squeak was barely audible, but he raised his hands in mock surrender.

‘Guilty as charged your honour.’

Green opened the window another inch.

‘Jesus. What the hell have you got up there? A dead rat? My eyes are watering.’

Leach gave a toothy grin.

‘An aromatic blend carefully concocted in the balmy uplands of the  Midlands combining hints of steak and kidney pud with the merest smattering of pickled onion Monster Munch.’

‘You stink and it’s not surprising on that diet.’

Green jumped out, slamming the door. Leach turned the engine over and dazzled him with the full beam.

‘Gonna stand there all night? Come on student, we’ve got work to do. They don’t pay you to recite poems, you know.’


About richlakin

I write about things that interest me
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