Swimming Lessons – part 4

If I ever save someone from drowning I hope they’re brick-shaped and that I’m wearing my grandad’s paisley pyjamas when I dive in. That way I’m qualified. To gain your lifesaver’s award you had to be able to drag someone the length of the pool by their chin. You also had to dive into the deep end and rescue a black plastic brick while wearing pyjamas.

Other kids wore Spiderman or Superman pyjamas, but no way was the chlorine ruining my best Marks and Sparks satin-trim. So, I got to wear a pair of granddad’s old paisley ones with red wine-coloured amoeba plastered all over them. It’s no fun being dressed like Brian Murphy from George and Mildred for swimming lessons.